Yesterday, I sat down with my 2011 and 2012 calendars side-by-side. Every year I like to go through my old calendar and record any important dates from the old into the new. There are way to many birthdays and anniversaries among my family and friends to try and remember it all! During this process it's always interesting to see what has taken place over the last year. As I was going back through 2011, it was amusing to me to see what mood I was in by my handwriting for that month or weeks events. Sometimes it was nice and light and happy. Other times, I had that pen pressed so hard onto that page that marks were left on the next. Some days were filled with multiple exclamation points and others just plan matter of fact doctors appointments. This past year seemed to have a little of everything.
In January, I was undergoing some nerve cauterization in my back. I remember being nervous and excited all at the same time. There was hope that I wouldn't be dealing with most of my spinal pain at that point once the procedures were complete. Three days after the procedure I wrote "NO MORE PAIN!!!!" on the calendar. Having dealt with pinched nerves and having the feeling of a never ending electrical shock down my leg, I was ecstatic that after all the numbing wore off I felt fairly normal and was walking without a limp any more. 11 months later some of that pain has returned along with worsening of other complications in my spine. Someone asked me the other day if I regretted the cauterization of those 5 nerves back in January. When I looked back and saw the joy in my penmanship on that third day, I knew there were no regrets. The pain was almost completely gone for 9 months. I knew when I had the procedure done that there was always a possibility that my body would regenerate those nerves and they would probably get pinched from time to time, but it was still worth it.
February brought the celebration of our first anniversary of marriage. We brought out the top of our cake from the wedding and let it thaw out. All our friends had mixed reviews of their wedding cake a year later so we were excited to see how it turned out. We cut into our first slice and began laughing. For some reason they covered our top layer in, no lie, an INCH THICK layer of icing! There was only a small amount of cake under all that icing. We enjoyed a few slices and then threw it away. It was fun to look back at our wedding photos and honeymoon pics.
In March, I left a job for a new dental office with a steady schedule and better pay. Things were great at first until May came around and the doctor called me into her office. Apparently the office manager didn't like the fact that I was a jack of all trades and made her look bad. As she was crying and telling me it was the worst and most wrong decision she had ever made, the doctor released me from my job. I was a whirlwind spring and summer trying to collect unemployment and find a new job.
June came and with it the celebration of my 25th and gram's 66th birthdays. It's an amazing, indescribable thing to share your birthday with your grandmother. This year we decided to celebrate with the mouse! Mom, gram, Tracie and I all met down in Orlando and spent the weekend together. We spent our actual birthday at Disney World and what a joy it was to see the delight on my grandmother's face as we enjoyed all the rides. Don't think for a second that 66 slowed my grandmother down one bit! She kept up with us and was going strong from 9am until midnight when we left. Somehow, we even convinced her to go on splash mountain. As we got closer to the front, you could tell how worried she was getting about the big drop. All my mother could think about was my grandmother having a heart attack on her birthday, but gram went on the ride like a champ. Once we were done and soaking wet, you couldn't get gram to stop talking about how much she loved it and it was her new favorite ride. The fireworks show was an amazing end to the beginning of my 25th year.
July and August came and went and I was still looking for a job. To cheer me up, Isaac and took me back to see Mickey and then mom and I flew up to Bristol for the night race. It was Friday afternoon and mom and I were headed into town to see the Nascar Hauler Parade (a must see at least once in your life) when my phone rang. The number came from FSU, but wasn't my husband's. I answered and was asked to come in for a job interview the next week. I had my job interview on Tuesday and by Friday was starting my new job! August turned out to be a great month.
Around October, I noticed that my back pain was becoming more frequent and getting stronger. My doctors and I tried a few new things and saw a rheumatologist. The rheumatology tests showed nothing on their end and all of my docs agreed on sending me down to Shands next year. There is no reason that a 25 year old should be having multiple tears in the discs, a bulging disc, multiple herniations, along with the spinabifida, scoliosis, and arthritis in my lower back. I was tired of treating the symptoms and having to take stronger and stronger drugs to be able to attempt to live a normal life. We all agreed that Shands should (hopefully) be able to determine why my body is degenerating and possibly come up with ways to slow down the process and better control the pain. It hasn't been a really fun fall or winter to say the least, but things will get better.
We just got back from our Christmas vacation a few days ago. It was a great week visiting with our families and shopping with my mom. We got great gifts and the pups are stocked up on treats and rawhides for the foreseeable future (Spoiled grand pups!). Now it's time to take down the Christmas tree and pack away all of the Tinks for the year. This year, like may more to come, has had it's ups and downs. There are good days and down right crappy days. On the bright side, if the past is any indication of things to come; we know that no matter how blah life becomes, things will eventually begin to turn around.
Wishing you and yours a safe New Years Eve and blessed 2012!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
From the beginning...this is going to be a long one
My life has been full of many ups and downs. I suffer from multiple medical problems affecting my spine and everyday life. Since I was a teen, I have enjoyed writing and found it the best way to express my true feelings and emotions. Now I am attempting to start my own blog in order to encourage others and use it as a form of therapy for myself. I am going to be very blunt and real on here, which may offend some, but this is my blog and my story. If you don't like it, you aren't being forced to read it and are more than welcome to move on. :) To help you understand a bit about where I come from and how I got here, I am dedicating this post to my past.
I was born 25 years ago in St. Pete. My parents were married, but separated when I was only 6 months old and divorced at the age of 2. My mother and father were friends in high school, but grew apart when it came time to grow up and face life. Shortly before my parents separated, I encountered my first miracle in life. My father was being careless and cleaning an old gun that was passed down to him. I was sitting in my infant carrier on the ground only a few feet from him. He thought he had check the barrel to make sure all bullets were removed from the gun before cleaning it. He was wrong. Some how or other he caused the gun to fire and a bullet flew out of the gun and just inches above my head. It was truly a miracle that I was not hit or killed in that gun accident. As you can probably guess, this was one of the many reasons they split. The other major factor was excessive use of alcohol. Don't get me wrong, I love my father as any child should. However, he has serious problems that have all but killed any relationship we once had. I am sharing this information to give you insight into how his decisions have shaped my life and give you a better understanding of my lack of father/daughter relationship.
I was raised by a single mother, with the help of loving aunts, uncles, and grandparents, until the age of 13. (More on that at a later date) My mother did a great job raising me in the right way. Thanks to my step-mom, I was able to spend some weekends with my father growing up. Those were pretty good times. We got to spend time together and go fishing and camping and to local short track races. I really did enjoy spending time with my dad when I was young. It wasn't until he and my step-mom got divorced that I realized he had a drinking problem (the reason my mom and step-mom both left him). The drinking got worse and he wanted to spend less and less time with me. He spent more time with the bottle and less time with any of his daughters as the years went on. I wish I could say that I have a great relationship with my father, but honestly, I just wish I had a relationship at all. Nowadays, he is a severe alcoholic and doesn't remember my name half the time. The alcohol has taken a toll on his body and mind. It's not fun to see. For years my sisters and I have begged him to get his life straight, but he refuses and instead has almost completely alienated us. It's sad to hear that he is back in the hospital yet again due to some alcohol related incident or other. This is why you will rarely find me mentioning him in my future blogs. It is also the biggest reason I am big on alcohol consumption in EXTREME moderation. Am I fully against it? No. There is a time and a place for it. It's called being responsible. Do I ever drink? Yes. I typically have an alcoholic beverage once or twice a month...again extreme moderation.
There are times I don't know how my mom did it. She is my biggest hero. Sure my family helped where they could, but at the end of the day, she was the one to tuck me in at night. Mom was a hair stylist for years, but wanted a better life for us. While working full time, she attended college and earned her degree in accounting while I was finishing up elementary school. Like I said, she's my hero. Mom was always supportive of my education. When she realized I was getting bored in public school, she had me tested and placed into a gifted program. I loved it! In the middle of 4th grade, she moved me over to a private school where I stayed until I graduated. It wasn't easy for a single mom to afford a private school education, but she believed that was where God wanted me and she made any sacrifices necessary to make that happen.
When I was 13 mom remarried and it was a hard adjustment to make. I went from being number 1 to number 2 over night. All of a sudden, this guy was living with us and we moved from our small-ish apartment into a house. I wasn't sure what to make of him at the beginning of the marriage. After a few months, I began to see on a daily basis how dedicated he was to the church and to my mom. The odd thing was, he cared about me too! A father figure who care about me?!?! Strangest concept ever! He continued to support my education at IRCS
Time went on and I gradated high school. To this day I remember sitting in the guidance counselors office the fall of my senior year and her asking me the same question she asked my 61 other classmates. "What 3 colleges are you planning on applying to?" My answer, "Florida State". GC: "And the other 2?" Me: "Just FSU. I know that's where God wants me and I don't need to waste my time applying any where else." She looked at me for a long time kind of perplexed by my answer. Seeing I was hell bent and not going to change my answer, she finally spoke. "If anyone else told me there were applying to only one college, I would tell them they are crazy, but when you give me an answer like that, what more can I say? I trust your judgement and if you need any help getting in from me, let me know what I can do." The decisions for FSU were still about a month away from being announced. Then one day after volleyball practice, my mom walked into the gym and held out a piece of paper to me. I had no idea what she was handing me as decisions were still a few days away from being posted. I grabbed it and read it. They posted decisions early. As I read that paper, my eyes grew larger and I let out the loudest, most ear piercing scream of my life! I was accepted to Florida State University! The girls and I celebrated and this was the best day of my life up to that point.
That Fall, I went off to the best university known to man...in my world at least. There I met the love of my life, changed my major countless times, made a sister for life, and spent some of the best 4.5 years of my life. Finally, in December 2008 I graduated with my B.A. in English Literature. Woohoo!!! My biggest dream had been accomplished among the beginning of the hardest years of my life. Now, what?
I continued working at the dentist office and they trained me as an assistant. From there, I moved on to become and orthodontic assistant for a while. Due to my spinal issues I had to leave the world of teeth behind. From some reason, sitting hunched over a patient for 8+ hours a day wasn't working so well with my messed up spine. Go figure! Now I find myself working back at FSU's admissions office and waiting for an opportunity for advancement. I love FSU and enjoy helping others make the decision to join what I believe is the best university on earth!
What about that love of my life I mentioned earlier, you ask. Well, after 7 years of dating we finally got hitched! The new best day of my life was February 5, 2010. We were engaged Dec 18th, 2009. And married a few short weeks later. He moved in with me and my first pup, Talladega. Two weeks after our wedding we decided to expand our family and give Talladega a sister. Bristol came into our lives as our wedding gift to each other. The fun thing about Bristol is that she was born the day after our engagement and brought home 2 weeks after our wedding. Poor Talladega's life would never be the same. :)
Now Isaac and I are coming up on our second anniversary in just a few weeks. The best corgis in the world are doing well and keeping us on our toes. And life, well it brings more challenges every day. My mom is still my hero. I still wish there could be some relationship with my father. And my spine gets a little worse everyday. But there is always a bright side that we often forget to look at. On the Bright Side, I have an amazingly supportive husband who takes care of me. A mom and step-dad that love us and spoil their grand pups (God help us when there are human grandchildren!). And some of the best friends a girl could ask for. This is my life and every day, no matter how good or crappy it is, there is always a bright side to find!
I was born 25 years ago in St. Pete. My parents were married, but separated when I was only 6 months old and divorced at the age of 2. My mother and father were friends in high school, but grew apart when it came time to grow up and face life. Shortly before my parents separated, I encountered my first miracle in life. My father was being careless and cleaning an old gun that was passed down to him. I was sitting in my infant carrier on the ground only a few feet from him. He thought he had check the barrel to make sure all bullets were removed from the gun before cleaning it. He was wrong. Some how or other he caused the gun to fire and a bullet flew out of the gun and just inches above my head. It was truly a miracle that I was not hit or killed in that gun accident. As you can probably guess, this was one of the many reasons they split. The other major factor was excessive use of alcohol. Don't get me wrong, I love my father as any child should. However, he has serious problems that have all but killed any relationship we once had. I am sharing this information to give you insight into how his decisions have shaped my life and give you a better understanding of my lack of father/daughter relationship.
I was raised by a single mother, with the help of loving aunts, uncles, and grandparents, until the age of 13. (More on that at a later date) My mother did a great job raising me in the right way. Thanks to my step-mom, I was able to spend some weekends with my father growing up. Those were pretty good times. We got to spend time together and go fishing and camping and to local short track races. I really did enjoy spending time with my dad when I was young. It wasn't until he and my step-mom got divorced that I realized he had a drinking problem (the reason my mom and step-mom both left him). The drinking got worse and he wanted to spend less and less time with me. He spent more time with the bottle and less time with any of his daughters as the years went on. I wish I could say that I have a great relationship with my father, but honestly, I just wish I had a relationship at all. Nowadays, he is a severe alcoholic and doesn't remember my name half the time. The alcohol has taken a toll on his body and mind. It's not fun to see. For years my sisters and I have begged him to get his life straight, but he refuses and instead has almost completely alienated us. It's sad to hear that he is back in the hospital yet again due to some alcohol related incident or other. This is why you will rarely find me mentioning him in my future blogs. It is also the biggest reason I am big on alcohol consumption in EXTREME moderation. Am I fully against it? No. There is a time and a place for it. It's called being responsible. Do I ever drink? Yes. I typically have an alcoholic beverage once or twice a month...again extreme moderation.
There are times I don't know how my mom did it. She is my biggest hero. Sure my family helped where they could, but at the end of the day, she was the one to tuck me in at night. Mom was a hair stylist for years, but wanted a better life for us. While working full time, she attended college and earned her degree in accounting while I was finishing up elementary school. Like I said, she's my hero. Mom was always supportive of my education. When she realized I was getting bored in public school, she had me tested and placed into a gifted program. I loved it! In the middle of 4th grade, she moved me over to a private school where I stayed until I graduated. It wasn't easy for a single mom to afford a private school education, but she believed that was where God wanted me and she made any sacrifices necessary to make that happen.
When I was 13 mom remarried and it was a hard adjustment to make. I went from being number 1 to number 2 over night. All of a sudden, this guy was living with us and we moved from our small-ish apartment into a house. I wasn't sure what to make of him at the beginning of the marriage. After a few months, I began to see on a daily basis how dedicated he was to the church and to my mom. The odd thing was, he cared about me too! A father figure who care about me?!?! Strangest concept ever! He continued to support my education at IRCS
Time went on and I gradated high school. To this day I remember sitting in the guidance counselors office the fall of my senior year and her asking me the same question she asked my 61 other classmates. "What 3 colleges are you planning on applying to?" My answer, "Florida State". GC: "And the other 2?" Me: "Just FSU. I know that's where God wants me and I don't need to waste my time applying any where else." She looked at me for a long time kind of perplexed by my answer. Seeing I was hell bent and not going to change my answer, she finally spoke. "If anyone else told me there were applying to only one college, I would tell them they are crazy, but when you give me an answer like that, what more can I say? I trust your judgement and if you need any help getting in from me, let me know what I can do." The decisions for FSU were still about a month away from being announced. Then one day after volleyball practice, my mom walked into the gym and held out a piece of paper to me. I had no idea what she was handing me as decisions were still a few days away from being posted. I grabbed it and read it. They posted decisions early. As I read that paper, my eyes grew larger and I let out the loudest, most ear piercing scream of my life! I was accepted to Florida State University! The girls and I celebrated and this was the best day of my life up to that point.
That Fall, I went off to the best university known to man...in my world at least. There I met the love of my life, changed my major countless times, made a sister for life, and spent some of the best 4.5 years of my life. Finally, in December 2008 I graduated with my B.A. in English Literature. Woohoo!!! My biggest dream had been accomplished among the beginning of the hardest years of my life. Now, what?
I continued working at the dentist office and they trained me as an assistant. From there, I moved on to become and orthodontic assistant for a while. Due to my spinal issues I had to leave the world of teeth behind. From some reason, sitting hunched over a patient for 8+ hours a day wasn't working so well with my messed up spine. Go figure! Now I find myself working back at FSU's admissions office and waiting for an opportunity for advancement. I love FSU and enjoy helping others make the decision to join what I believe is the best university on earth!
What about that love of my life I mentioned earlier, you ask. Well, after 7 years of dating we finally got hitched! The new best day of my life was February 5, 2010. We were engaged Dec 18th, 2009. And married a few short weeks later. He moved in with me and my first pup, Talladega. Two weeks after our wedding we decided to expand our family and give Talladega a sister. Bristol came into our lives as our wedding gift to each other. The fun thing about Bristol is that she was born the day after our engagement and brought home 2 weeks after our wedding. Poor Talladega's life would never be the same. :)
Now Isaac and I are coming up on our second anniversary in just a few weeks. The best corgis in the world are doing well and keeping us on our toes. And life, well it brings more challenges every day. My mom is still my hero. I still wish there could be some relationship with my father. And my spine gets a little worse everyday. But there is always a bright side that we often forget to look at. On the Bright Side, I have an amazingly supportive husband who takes care of me. A mom and step-dad that love us and spoil their grand pups (God help us when there are human grandchildren!). And some of the best friends a girl could ask for. This is my life and every day, no matter how good or crappy it is, there is always a bright side to find!
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